heartbroken path's

12/12/09

2009-12-12T00:59:00.002+08:00

Need to sleep soon x.x ..tired @.@ ..dance today again x33

7days till their 2nd month..saw her blog..speechless, will type it out on here soon..no mood and after that heart seizure..should not sleep too late..if not vomit blood again..

P.S. seems like you love him so deep, happy for you..atleast if i die, i die in peace ^^ take care ba

good night, spiritual readers..maybe the elements be guiding you all to true happiness~

Reason for scarf

2009-12-12T00:48:00.002+08:00

Reasons of wearing scarfs *demand from lots of souls x.x *

-Cause NYP air-con is getting super cold =X ? *reply: wear jacket lah x.x*

-Cause fashionable? =X *reply: siao, so hot still wear x.x *

-Cause of a slip of mouth..into a promise =X ? *reply: what the hell is that o.o*

~Reply: My ex-gf..complained that she always cold in cinema and shopping centre..so i promised to get scarfs to match with her dressing style..korean style..and, when i do that is too late..i am not able to cover her with my scarf and provide her warmth..other than my hugs..

*reply: then break le do for what @.@ *

~Reply: From the past and to the last day i am alive, i promise her de..i will do it, no matter is to her or my true love..*which i know is her..x.x * *cancel back the previous writing..."erase...~!!" hahas, anyone i guess~ ^^ if they need lend bah , now motto is no longer gf = most important..now is make everyone happy ^^

*reply: okay~ good luck on it x.x ..dumb ki tat..do so much for her, doubt she will even care*

~Reply: what did you say @.@~!! nevermind lah, i believe in miracles, somehow by that time should have someone can replace her in my heart ba..if not, die loving her with my heart and soul collapsing ba...i love her..

*reply: what you say? so soft de..wth~ cya idiot tart~!*

+chat with a old friend when bump at nyp, the above+

Musical~

2009-12-12T00:39:00.002+08:00

NYP musical 2010~ ^^

Every wed and sat will be at S&G danceworld for rhumba chero =3 ..going serious in dance now, maybe cause single..and wish to impress someone back bah..despite knowing she is dead...atleast, she will love what i do for her~ spiritually..

Tiring, yet..worth everything..hahas, atleast I can still enjoy the remaining times..life is so werid, give someone something special, and all I get is ...********* ..oh well, atleast spend the last times at the fullest~

OIPP not selected T~T

kinda sad..but oh well, expected..i flung my GPA due to my break up that time, it ruined my maths..I just left almost everything blank..crying and thinking of her..now, i know what the guan yin meant by her words..really come true..and she is that type of girl now..so now, all i can do is mourn for the one i love, the kind angel that returned to heaven...

hope i do well for LIPP and get hired in a local-based company =X *pray is rolls royce those =X*

Driving~

2009-12-12T00:30:00.002+08:00

Driving Practical

Lesson 1 - Smooth and steady x333

Lesson 2 - Brake until can puke blood x.x ..my thoughts haywired..keep thinking of her..then nearly caused several car crashes x.x ..lucky got instructor ..but still pass =3

Lesson 3 - Surprised many people by driving 3rd gear..in..THE CIRCUIT~!!! stun by my skills also..that's like 30km in a dun know how small de place~!! haha~ then flunk at sharp corner x.x ..can't turn always and keep bang the kerb..*my car love kerb i guess =X *

Lesson 4 - Reason of not able to turn sharply...*after wasting 1.5hours..NOT STARE AT MIRROR REFLECTION BUT MIRROR SIDE EDGE DE "POINTED THINGY~!!* ROAR~ then only did one x.x

Lesson 5 - My strictest instructor, yet teach me alot and I improved ^^ can brake anytime i want and distance = standard 1 car length away~ somemore change gear okay le x33

P.S. maybe someday soon, I can drive that angel of mine..to romantic places, share every moment of my sweetest memories with her...as she deserve all the love i can give ...so where are you..my true love..?

Apology..

2009-12-04T11:11:00.002+08:00

Sorry to summer, sheryl and yi zwei:

I just can't let it go..

To summer: Thanks for meeting me at nyp for dinner that day when i was down, tried to cheer me up during that tuesday and accompany me specially when i am trying to find the lost love charm voodoo..but yet, I just couldn't feel any chemistry between us, and my heart is still with her..loving her, hoping that she would contact me once more..even as a friend. Sorry about giving you false hope, especially during the movie when you act like shu juan's behaviour, making me slip out..'i love you..shu juan' ..i am sorry..i promise myself never to go for movies alone with a female friend anymore.

To sheryl: Thanks for calling me every night and let me rant out my heart feelings, even if you are rushing your project or busy with shows..you never fail to try and help me let out my feelings..and even baked cookies for me..but I am sorry, my tears during the cookies, is cause it remind me of the last gift she gave me, several heart-shaped cookies..just like those you made..i am touched, yet..i have to reject you straight, and in dhoby ghaut mrt..and run off..leaving you there crying and sad..but my heart is only able to contain one person, her..and if i accept you, it would only just be a rebound..sorry..

To yi zwei: Thanks for being so direct and expressed your feelings for me so directly, you are really a nice person..and i do not wish to hurt your first love, as i couldn't let her go...and that i would only hurt you by not treating it seriously, making yet another mistake..just like what ended up between me and shu juan..both a hurt heart..you should find someone better and all i could say is sorry..my heart is ever, ever, just for her..till another angel could take it away..

Funny week...

2009-11-06T03:42:00.000+08:00

Monday: BE

Nothing much, went for dance class at night..did not get selected for tap dance..kinda expected it though. Then when going home..found out yishun mrt have something like fire on the tracks @.@ !?! ..then took a random pic of the firemen =3

Tuesday : simin mei's birthday

Went to repair the car's air-con with mum..then drive around singapore's east side..went to tampines' IKEA..then reach le, simin mei called me and ask me go east coast park to celebrate her birthday..hahas, after eating the cake then they pack up le =X ..

So my kind mum decided is alright to send her and her friends home =3 ..*rare wor~!!*

To self: " never speak too complicated or own language to mum..if not she will get blur and drive correct lane at only like last moment x.x?? "

Wednesday : RAINBOW, MAKINO visit, German welcome party~

Was on my way to school after the drizzle and saw people stopping to snap photos..stared at that direction and saw a beautiful rainbow~!! SNAP~ then rush to school =3 ..and it disappeared right after awhile ^^

At 1pm, boarded the bus to visit makino, a precision engineering manufacturing plant~ Never expected myself to be one of the selected few to go~ Is a eye opener to see all those things. And that place is the fliming location for the tv series regarding about engineering =3

Rushed back at around 4pm, rushed to german welcome party..and went in..."ki tat, please teach them dance steps @.@ " ..I stun myself, lucky..the line dance people helped out..cause we are combining for the dance sector..phew *thanks guys~* ..so now need to research more on dances related to german culture or hip hop songs in german language~!!

P.S. Carameldensen have german edition~!! EPIC~

If only: "How I wish to share the view of such a beautiful rainbow with shu juan..the angel of my dreams..who is dead..I miss you.."

A week of werid confusion..

2009-11-06T02:28:00.000+08:00

This is my first post, yet..I do not know what to write *ironic right?*

On saturday, this blog was created thanks to rachel mei's help. And it is on this day, I happened to saw shu juan working at her workplace..my heart, is beating so fast and happy that I could finally see her again, yet sad..as despite being so close, we are like a world apart.

*both are kiddy ride machines, just decorated nicely x333 *

Thus, at the end..called in sunny kor, as myself could not handle it..and it is also fated that I happened to have the gifts I plan to give to her..and went to the washroom due to the sudden downpour during the cosplay event..if only, any of these did not happen..maybe my heart would not be shattered to pieces..

While, waiting for sunny kor..had another regular heart panic..until got several nice, kind hearted souls stopped and try to ask if I need help, atleast they even as strangers do care..

shu juan, i doubt you see me in that state..you still dun care about it bah..sigh..

Thanks kor, atleast after all his punching, slapping, yelling and knocking on my head..cause, finally..I know I lost someone I loved so deeply, so deep that it would just haunt me for life..

* Taken this before leaving to vent out my sorrows, shu juan..do you know, every ticking second..you are filling them up, cause you are my inspiration..my life..my soul..and my love..without you, my life is like empty..ily, 1314 3344..*

Went to arcade at bugis junction and jammed, I think 10 rounds of jubeat..10 x 4 songs = 40 songs..started with happy songs..then back to love songs..and reminding me of her..

Went back to find shu juan around 11pm, sunny kor told me that he will settle for me, cause if I talk to her..she will only ignore me, which I agreed. He went to talk to her after she left with her friends..as they are smoking..

Reply from her to my kor:

Attached = No.

Friends with me = No.

Contact me again = No.

Passed her the items, and walked away..then told kor to check if she throw them..but she didn't..so is like a dilemna..

And the hurting part is, she just say it without any feelings..*we have gone thru so many things, so many trials..and I changed everything, even including of forgetting all my rotten friends and ex-gf..so to only love you, and make it our own world of romance without them..yet, it is too late..*

...But watching her change, from someone who will avoid smokers..to do not mind waiting so close to them..laughing and agreeing with her two friends who are betting to bash me up..

After that sunny kor bring me to St James, however I dislike clubbing and thus he bring me to a isolated area at vivo to vent out my sadness..I never expected, the words I shouted after so long of waiting for her..is.."I HATE YOU SHU JUAN, FOR LEAVING ME JUST LIKE THIS.." ..and was staring at the gateway to sentosa, a place we promised to go together one day..

Tears, just flow slowly out..while staring at such a romantic place...

Then walked out, and helped a birthday girl take group photo..they were like "wa, such a nice guy.." ..walked past St James and many people stared at me especially girls x.x ..then kor kor give me a 'sian' look..and told me, see..got so many girls like you, I want also dun have x.x ..hahas, provided..I could find someone as unique as her ba =\

To sunny kor: is cause i dress like alien~ aka E.T~!! *call in saucer*

Sunday : German Outing

Meet elizabeth at Bugis to help her with her SS & History. *her foundation is weak, so need tutor..=X * Walked past her workplace, and did not even bother seeing if she is inside, maybe is cause she's totally gone..and saw her le also useless.

Library is full, so went to strudel house there for strudel and study, it reminds me of shu juan..yet helping people with o level is way more important..and thus helped elizabeth alot *according to what she says =X *

*And that's her~!! ^^ *

After studying, went bugis junction to help her find clothes for prom, however..nothing much suitable x.x ..

To elizabeth: Must do well for you remaining papers ar~!! and have a nice trip during the weekend before coming back for your remaining papers =3

AFTER TUTORING:

Ruusshh to Orchard MRT to meet my German Club friends to attend Berlin Days at botanic gardens, end up being one of the earliest~ surprise right o.o! hahas, then we board the public bus to there~

Took several pictures *main are with our photographer friend =3 ..and his D60* :

*The performance by a german band*

*close-up view..they played it very nicely ^^ *

*Me and viktor, ignore the lady at the back @.@*

Nice fountain~!

AND DESPITE enjoying the concert, I was BULLIED by a SMALL girl x.x ..a german teacher's daughter..then she keep push me on the floor and throw food on me @.@ ..then everyone is like lawls~ your new gf =/ ..and then become her nanny by running off to keep bring her back x.x ..tiring de wor T__T ..but she is cute~ ^^

After that, we keep randomly walked around the botanic garden under the bright round moon. It is really fun, I am glad atleast..I have such wonderful friends..and they just tell me to move on..

Had dinner at wisma after the entire day with DPE students and viktor, thanks for everything german language students x33

If only: "I am with her..I could have bring her such a romantic place..and enjoy a nice afternoon listening to wonderful band musics..glaze at the awesome moonlight while holding her hands tight and let her lean on my shoulders while sitting down to enjoy the night view at botanic gardens..*

Heart feelings: "Tell self..she is gone, she is dead..we have to move on..yet, wait for her..to atleast show how much I love her..until I could find someone that can replace her in my heart..is tough, but not impossible..just let fate decide ba =3 ..."

Mood: happy, heart regarding her is still slightly missing and empty..but my heart panic is no more..